pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize