We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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