You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
