some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
