I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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