i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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