I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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