Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
