You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
