1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
