Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
