i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
