Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
