He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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