Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
