Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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