is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
