so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
