Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
