i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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