atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The ass gains better be worth it
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