i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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