god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
