Porn is love you can see.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
