at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
