You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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