Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
