Pappa wants mamma naked
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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