watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
