After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
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