I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
