I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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