While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
