It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
