Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
