someone threw a dead crab at me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
