Buhtt sex?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
