yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
