plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize