Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
