Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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