she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
