God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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