can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
