I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
