I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
