Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
