i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
