is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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