Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize