I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
