fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
