This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
