apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
