officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
