At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
