if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
