Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
