She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
