I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
