I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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