i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
