May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
