I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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