I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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