I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
