Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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