Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
