every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
