If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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