i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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