The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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