i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize