Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
