Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
